A field outside Florence, Italy. A large wood, rope and canvas contraption, vaguely dragonfly-ish in shape, lies in the middle of the field. Leonardo da Vinci, in britches and loose white shirt, is lying beneath one of the contraption\u2019s wings, testing a set of ropes and pullies. Michael Kevin O\u2019Leary (CEO of Ryanair, but before his Ryanair days) enters, dressed in blue jeans, sneakers and a Manchester City t-shirt.<\/i><\/p>\n
O\u2019Leary: Leo, you big gobshite! I can call you Leo, right?<\/p>\n
da Vinci: (standing up and brushing off his hands<\/i>) Well, I\u2019d \u2013<\/p>\n
O\u2019Leary: Great. Great. So this is what you\u2019ve brought me all this way to see, huh? It\u2019s the, um…<\/p>\n
da Vinci: Flying machine. I\u2019m thinking to call it an Aeromotive Translocator, or possibly a \u2013<\/p>\n
O\u2019Leary: (knocks sharply on the wooden nose of the contraption<\/i>) Sure. OK. But the name\u2019s the least of your problems.<\/p>\n
da Vinci: What do you mean?<\/p>\n
O\u2019Leary: Look, you might be a Renaissance genius and all, but this just won\u2019t fly.<\/p>\n
da Vinci: You think I should have used more of an aerofoil shape here to generate lift?<\/p>\n
O\u2019Leary: No, I \u2013<\/p>\n
da Vinci: I\u2019ve tried to keep the weight low, as far as I could, but you are worried that we won\u2019t be able to generate enough thrust to \u2013<\/p>\n
O\u2019Leary: That\u2019s not what I \u2013<\/p>\n
da Vinci: I know that the shape could be smoother, the curves a little, um, curvier. Knock a few of the edges off and it will definitely be \u2013<\/p>\n
O\u2019Leary: (sharply<\/i>) Leo. That\u2019s not what I mean. I don\u2019t mean this thing won\u2019t fly. I mean it won\u2019t fly<\/i>. Your whole business model. It won\u2019t work.<\/p>\n
da Vinci: My bus-<\/p>\n
O\u2019Leary: Right. What have you got back here?<\/p>\n
da Vinci: In the rear? It\u2019s just space. For stability, this section before the tail has to be \u2013<\/p>\n
O\u2019Leary: Sure. But empty space? How many passengers do you think you could squeeze in there?<\/p>\n
da Vinci: I don\u2019t know what you mean.<\/p>\n
O\u2019Leary: Put in at least three rows of seats, minimise the legroom \u2013 I mean, it\u2019s not like you Renaissance wops take up a lot of space. Leave some standing room at the back with straps to hold on to.<\/p>\n
da Vinci: Standing room?<\/p>\n
O\u2019Leary: Sure, standing room. Discount fares to increase passenger volume; on a shorthaul flight, who cares? OK, CAS cares, but don\u2019t get me started on the gobshites at Civil Aviation Safety. If it\u2019s good enough for buses, it\u2019s good enough for \u2013 uh \u2013\u00a0aeromotive translocators. As long as people hold on during takeoff and landing, you\u2019ve got no problem. As if sitting down with a lapbelt on is going to do you any good anyway if you\u2019re falling out of the sky from 30,000 feet.<\/p>\n
da Vinci: I don\u2019t expect to get quite that high on the first test.<\/p>\n
O\u2019Leary: Well, from thirty feet. Whatever. The point is, jam in some seats, hang some straps and you\u2019ve got twenty paying passengers right there.<\/p>\n
da Vinci: I suppose I could \u2013<\/p>\n
O\u2019Leary: Damn right you could. Store a few bottles of chianti or amaro along the side to charge at \u2013 (performs a quick mental calculation<\/i>) \u2013 say, ten florins to the gill and you\u2019ve got yourself a nice little earner. Now where are you thinking of flying this thing? Ideal route?<\/p>\n
da Vinci: I hadn\u2019t really thought. I suppose… Paris?<\/p>\n
O\u2019Leary: Paris, sure. But out of where?<\/p>\n
da Vinci: Out of \u2013\u00a0I don\u2019t understand.<\/p>\n
O\u2019Leary: Where are you going to fly from? From which airport are you going to fly?<\/p>\n
da Vinci: Well, I plan to fly from here. From Florence.<\/p>\n
O\u2019Leary: No good.<\/p>\n
da Vinci: No good?<\/p>\n
O\u2019Leary: No good. Fly out of one big airport and right into another and you\u2019re dancing to their tune. Passenger security charges, terminal use charge, tower charge, air corridor charges, landing fee, noise levy, the works. But say you fly out of Vinci and into Goussainville, little pisspoor excuses for towns that nobody\u2019s even heard of, and those airports will be paying you<\/i> for the privilege. You\u2019re bringing passengers to them<\/em>. Make a deal with the hotels, the local wagoneers, and you\u2019ve got yourself a nice little earner. Taxiing people to and from the \u2013 ah \u2013\u00a0Aeromotive Translocator.<\/p>\n da Vinci: I see how that could work.<\/p>\n O\u2019Leary: In fact, get yourself some taxi plates for your horse. Or gondola. Whatever. Not to do the work yourself, mind. Just so you can use the transit lanes and waterways and that. Get around town quicker. Worked a treat for me in Dublin.<\/p>\n File under<\/em>: unreconstructed Renaissance man | sound business principles<\/p>\n