It\u2019s awkward. You spot someone way up the other end of the corridor and maybe its the way your eyes find it hard to focus because of the carpet\u2019s grainy patterned fuzz or the washed-out fluorescent light but at first you can\u2019t tell who it is. Then, it\u2019s the walk that gets you. A little juicier, a little jauntier, than you\u2019re used to. Sure, the same fluid grace but somehow different. So you\u2019re confused for a moment until something clicks. A little swivel of her hips and you\u2019re all like \u2013\u00a0Hey, Cuba! \u2013\u00a0arm rising in that initial arc of a friendly wave.<\/p>\n
And a little tidal wave of thought is rising, too, with your arm. A whole history that makes that friendly wave harder to pull off. More equivocal.<\/p>\n
Sure there was the thing with the Spanish boyfriend and you are definitely the good guy in that story. But then when you were going steady were you a little too controlling of where she went and who she saw? She says you didn\u2019t let her spend her money on her things, but you were looking out for her. And she\u2019s \u2013\u00a0you don\u2019t care how hot she looked in that slinky guayabera halter dress, but there\u2019s influence and there\u2019s control. And you\u2019re happy for a dame to have influence. But control. That\u2019s a guy thing.<\/p>\n
Though maybe building that chicken coop in her mother\u2019s yard to keep your own chickens, was, you know, too much? What with the electrified fence and all. But it’s a rough neighbourhood.<\/p>\n
So you feel your smile freezing into place and your arm is momentarily there caught just in front of your face. Not too late to pull out of the wave. Cuba hasn\u2019t met your eyes yet. Clench your fist and follow through a little and it\u2019s the red salute. Which would, you figure, be ironic. But not good irony \u2013\u00a0 you\u2019ve never handled the distancing and disregard of irony too well, pretending that things don\u2019t matter when you know damn well they do. And you think you know Cuba well enough by now to know that it would not be received well.<\/p>\n
So you slide right past what would probably be taken as mockery and your arm follows through overhead to smooth down your hair. Like that’s what you intended to do all along. And it almost feels natural and \u2013 god \u2013\u00a0you hope it looks natural. Like the first thing on your mind when you are eyeballing Cuba again for the first time in how many years is how you look.<\/p>\n
But her smoky eyes are still downcast and she\u2019s striding down the corridor. Refusing to look at you, you would have to say. It\u2019s got to be deliberate. Like she has something on her mind and she\u2019s holding it close. Not willing to signal at a distance how things are going to go down when she<\/i> finally recognises you<\/i>.<\/p>\n
File under: <\/i>cold war heat | the end of the affair<\/p>\n